It's 4 days before Thanksgiving and I am already in the Christmas spirit!!
Yes, in fact I have been listening to Christmas music for weeks now and enjoying every minute. I don't typically start this early, but for a variety of reasons...doesn't it feel like we all need a little extra dose of Joy this year?
Tonight Adam and I went to the Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant Christmas concert and, you guys, it was the biggest blessing. Not only did I get an entire evening alone with my husband, but I was so moved by the incredible singing, the amazing orchestra, and the message they shared.
Amy spoke for a little while about her memories of Christmas from when she grew up and how tender those memories are. She made me tear up when she mentioned how wearing her Mama's old dress up on that stage tonight made her feel like a part of her was right up there with her. And her words took me back to memories of my Christmases gone by...
I still remember the way my stocking looked hanging up, with my name written in puffy paint by my mom. I remember realizing it was really my parents filling up that stocking and not letting it get me down, because it somehow always still felt magical. I remember Christmas mornings with my mom in her long, zipped up robe, her makeup always done before presents were opened and both my parents sipping on coffee while I opened my stocking. I remember my sister coming home from college and wearing elf shoes with bells on her feet and how special it felt when she was home again with me over Christmas break. I remember Grandma openings gifts with us and can even picture her outfits so clearly in my mind. Oh those childhood memories...
Tonight Amy Grant talked about those special "first" Christmas memories...the first Christmas as newlyweds, the first Christmas with your baby, your first Christmas without Mom there...those memories where how you felt is what you remember more then any picture or present. And my story isn't as simple as that. I have a lot of "first" Christmas memories that feel like they are pulled from various lifetimes. Different memories with different people. But I think of all the memories I have as an adult "pre-Adam," one Christmas stands out more then any other.
Emily was 4 months old and I found myself a single Mom. It was the first Christmas I can remember where I felt lonely. I remember how shortly before Christmas, Emily's "dad" (birth father) stopped over and gave me a present. It was one of the few times he would visit her from that point forward. And he gave me a baby carrier. I still remember what I was wearing, what Emily was wearing...and I remember how strange it felt. This man who was walking away from his wife and brand new daughter, was giving me a baby carrier. And I was excited! It was what I wanted...but not how I expected to receive it. And I remember going over to my parents house with the rest of my family for dinner, and wearing Emily in that baby carrier...her adorable little, smiling body facing forward and feeling like I never wanted to take it off. My heart was full because I had the baby I had longed for all my life and she was the best gift I had ever received...but at the same time, I had also never felt so lonely.
I guess the reason I share that story, and maybe the reason it was on my mind tonight, is that I understand that not all Christmas memories are perfect. Not all of our holidays are Merry and Bright. And for some, this time of year we're approaching is one of the most difficult.
But you know, as I remembered that one painful Christmas, I looked to my right. And there is Adam. And I remember Hope is the reason for the season. I started to think about his Christmas memories, his family traditions, a few Christmases he must have endured that weren't so picture perfect. His first Christmas on his own with Ashley. And all the wonderful memories he must have with Ashley's mom. And it hit me all over again, as it does every once in a while, how amazing these winding journeys of ours are. This path filled with hills and valleys, all being paved with Hope as we go day by day. When we're enduring a Christmas that is painful, we have no idea what Joy could be coming. Or, how the strength we find in ourselves to endure, will mold and shape us in ways we didn't know possible. And as I think back to these past several Christmases we've spent together with our girls, I just see how Hope and Faith have brought us here. These are the memories I want to hold dear to my heart forever...these memories of our three little girls lighting candles at the Christmas Eve service, waking up Christmas morning to their squeals of excitement, filling our family room with a sea of wrapping paper...innocent belief in Santa but a wisdom to know for certain this Season is about Jesus. These are the memories I don't ever want to forget.
We all know how unsettled our country feels for the moment. Emotions are running higher then ever, it seems, and decisions are being made based on those passionate emotions. Some for the good, and many for the bad. So now, more then ever, I believe we need to approach this holiday season with more JOY, more GRACE, more PEACE, and more LOVE then we ever have before. We need to take care of each other. We need to embrace each other, just as we are. And I hope we all don't forget, that just as quickly as this Season came...it will just as quickly pass.
Appreciate every moment.
Celebrate every chance you get.
Sing those Christmas carols in the kitchen while you dance with your kids.
Go sit on Santa's lap.
Take an overload of pictures.
Put up way too many lights on your tree.
Find some way to make Christmas a little easier for a family in need.
Hold onto Hope and Faith if this is not an easy time of year for you and lean into the people around you that love you.
Above all...let your memories be built around what true Joy and Peace are all about.
Oh, and eat too many Christmas cookies. That's pretty important too.
I just love Christmas...
With love,
Kristel
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Fruits of the Spirit
For the last few months, what the Bible refers to as, "the fruits of the Spirit" have been floating around in the back of my mind almost constantly. Some days I feel encouraged that God must have placed them on my heart to remind me of the ways I need to grow...what I need to turn to as an example of how to live the moments of my days. Other times, I feel like they are these annoying little pangs of guilt...specific and clear ways that I am absolutely failing every day.
It seems like if we have this verse, this very clear list of character qualities we should follow to be more like God, it would be easy to do. Right? I mean, we all say things like, "I want to be more Christ-like" but here is basically the recipe to follow to attain that goal and I can't seem to figure it out. One night laying in bed, I even decided that maybe I should tattoo these fruits of the spirit somewhere on my body and THEN I would daily be reminded of how to live my life. How to be "good." How to be better.
Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
I need this plastered on the walls of my house, in the car...basically every where I go, in every circumstance I'm in, I need this in neon lights, flashing at me. I mean, I've been a Christian for most of my life and yet, I forget this verse so easily. I forget these specific, outlined, you-gotta-be-a-dummy-to-not-understand-these, qualities once I get into my every day life.
I forget to show joy when my daughter is being stubborn or selfish. I forget to bring peace to our home when I choose to yell in anger because my kids aren't listening for the 100th time that day. I forget to show kindness when someone is rude to me. I forget to show patience about 200 times a day. ..patience with my kids, my dog, my husband, the drivers in front of me, with the woman checking me out at Fred Meyer, with achieving goals, with people who don't respond to a text message...the list goes on and on when it comes to me and patience. I forget to show love to those that have deeply wounded me. I forget how much more gentleness would be responded to in my home with my three girls then harshness and barking orders does. I forget self-control with my food choices, with the words that come out of my mouth in those moments of anger, with what I type on my phone as I'm pushing send... Self-control...what's that? I have the ability to control myself!? But emotions control me. Food controls me. Temptation controls me. My kids. My husband. Money. What friends think. What my parents think. My desires. My appearance. Don't all of those things control me? I forget to show goodness when I let the ugly in me come out. And I forget to be faithful when I choose again and again not to be the example of Christ that He calls me to be. When I choose my will, not His.
Now make no mistake, I want to be these things more then anything. I so long to be this wonderfully loving, joy-filled, peace-making, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled woman. I really do! So if I want it, if I think about it, and if I know these things are the "key" to being the person God desires me to be...why aren't I? What is taking me so long to get this right? I get the whole, "I am human and full of sin" part. I know I will fall short no matter how I try. But am I really even trying that hard? Do I make a choice, any choice, all through my days, every day, to choose these Fruits of the Spirit?
Truth is, I don't. I really don't. I admit that I am ruled and motivated by my emotions more then anything. So if I do happen to be patient or kind...gentle or self-controlled, it's because I FEEL LIKE IT in that moment. That's an ugly truth to admit. And what that means is, all those times I don't feel like displaying those qualities, I simply don't. I do try and I do "feel like it" some days. Some moments. Some days, more moments then not. And I feel God nudging me from time to time to remember how much I desire to live these out. Because He knows my heart and He knows that I want to please Him and I want to love people and I want to be PROUD of who I am. I don't just want to be proud of who I am because I'm a "good" mom or because I'm a "good" daughter or a "good" wife, a "good" friend. I don't want to just be proud of my home or my possessions, my accomplishments or talents. In my core, all I really want to be proud of is for who I am. And I know I would be proud of myself if I lived this verse every day. Wouldn't we all?
At the same time, being feisty and loud and passionate and emotional is a big part of who I am. It's what I'm comfortable with, right or wrong. Having to make a choice in my behavior instead of just living on auto-pilot with what comes naturally is probably the hardest thing I'll have to do in every day life. To choose to walk, day in and day out, in the Fruits of the Spirit. And that's what it is: a choice. Like any new bad habit to break or new routine to commit to, we have to make that same choice every day, until one day, it becomes our new normal. And what a fantastic normal this would be, right?
I could be the one in my home who brings peace. When there is chaos and arguing and kids being kids...I could be what brings peace. When everyone is tired or my kids are making poor choices, when my husband forgets to do what he said he would do, when I'm in a hurry and someone is slowing me down...I could be the one who chooses patience. It's easy to be kind to friends or those that love me, but when someone hurts me or my family, I could choose to express my feelings with kindness. When I don't feel like it because it's raining out or gloomy, I'm tired or drained, I'm hormonal or just having a moment...I could be the one who still shines with joy. And not in the annoying-happy-all-the-time way. But, just with a joy about me no matter what. A realistic joy. Instead of trying to be "good" at things that don't matter or that people expect me to be, I could be filled with goodness. When someone pushes my buttons or when I want to over-indulge in junk food because I "feel" like it, I could choose self-control. I could hold my tongue. I could keep it to myself. I could not eat the ice cream. When my daughter expects me to lash out in anger and yelling because she's done what I asked her not to do 200 times already, I could surprise her and discipline her with gentleness. I could be the one who makes time, no matter what, to read my Bible and have quiet time with Jesus...pray...to show my faithfulness every day. I could be the person who shows LOVE. Pure and simple. Love of people, love of my family, love of my neighbors, animals, the planet, love for those that don't love me.
I guess what I'm learning is that this verse needs to be more then my mantra. It needs to be more then something I think about, more then something that makes me feel guilty, and more then a tattoo. Remembering this verse, these Fruits of the Spirit, and making the choice to live them out, is one of the most important choices I will make in my life every day. It solves a lot of problems. It changes things. It changes me. It moves others to change. It softens hearts... my heart first. It brings healing and hope and miracles, really. I will fail, of course. But I can try, each new day, to be a walking, talking, real, flawed, imperfect "tree" that bears THIS kind of fruit.
~KDM
5/22/16
It seems like if we have this verse, this very clear list of character qualities we should follow to be more like God, it would be easy to do. Right? I mean, we all say things like, "I want to be more Christ-like" but here is basically the recipe to follow to attain that goal and I can't seem to figure it out. One night laying in bed, I even decided that maybe I should tattoo these fruits of the spirit somewhere on my body and THEN I would daily be reminded of how to live my life. How to be "good." How to be better.
Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
I need this plastered on the walls of my house, in the car...basically every where I go, in every circumstance I'm in, I need this in neon lights, flashing at me. I mean, I've been a Christian for most of my life and yet, I forget this verse so easily. I forget these specific, outlined, you-gotta-be-a-dummy-to-not-understand-these, qualities once I get into my every day life.
I forget to show joy when my daughter is being stubborn or selfish. I forget to bring peace to our home when I choose to yell in anger because my kids aren't listening for the 100th time that day. I forget to show kindness when someone is rude to me. I forget to show patience about 200 times a day. ..patience with my kids, my dog, my husband, the drivers in front of me, with the woman checking me out at Fred Meyer, with achieving goals, with people who don't respond to a text message...the list goes on and on when it comes to me and patience. I forget to show love to those that have deeply wounded me. I forget how much more gentleness would be responded to in my home with my three girls then harshness and barking orders does. I forget self-control with my food choices, with the words that come out of my mouth in those moments of anger, with what I type on my phone as I'm pushing send... Self-control...what's that? I have the ability to control myself!? But emotions control me. Food controls me. Temptation controls me. My kids. My husband. Money. What friends think. What my parents think. My desires. My appearance. Don't all of those things control me? I forget to show goodness when I let the ugly in me come out. And I forget to be faithful when I choose again and again not to be the example of Christ that He calls me to be. When I choose my will, not His.
Now make no mistake, I want to be these things more then anything. I so long to be this wonderfully loving, joy-filled, peace-making, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled woman. I really do! So if I want it, if I think about it, and if I know these things are the "key" to being the person God desires me to be...why aren't I? What is taking me so long to get this right? I get the whole, "I am human and full of sin" part. I know I will fall short no matter how I try. But am I really even trying that hard? Do I make a choice, any choice, all through my days, every day, to choose these Fruits of the Spirit?
Truth is, I don't. I really don't. I admit that I am ruled and motivated by my emotions more then anything. So if I do happen to be patient or kind...gentle or self-controlled, it's because I FEEL LIKE IT in that moment. That's an ugly truth to admit. And what that means is, all those times I don't feel like displaying those qualities, I simply don't. I do try and I do "feel like it" some days. Some moments. Some days, more moments then not. And I feel God nudging me from time to time to remember how much I desire to live these out. Because He knows my heart and He knows that I want to please Him and I want to love people and I want to be PROUD of who I am. I don't just want to be proud of who I am because I'm a "good" mom or because I'm a "good" daughter or a "good" wife, a "good" friend. I don't want to just be proud of my home or my possessions, my accomplishments or talents. In my core, all I really want to be proud of is for who I am. And I know I would be proud of myself if I lived this verse every day. Wouldn't we all?
At the same time, being feisty and loud and passionate and emotional is a big part of who I am. It's what I'm comfortable with, right or wrong. Having to make a choice in my behavior instead of just living on auto-pilot with what comes naturally is probably the hardest thing I'll have to do in every day life. To choose to walk, day in and day out, in the Fruits of the Spirit. And that's what it is: a choice. Like any new bad habit to break or new routine to commit to, we have to make that same choice every day, until one day, it becomes our new normal. And what a fantastic normal this would be, right?
I could be the one in my home who brings peace. When there is chaos and arguing and kids being kids...I could be what brings peace. When everyone is tired or my kids are making poor choices, when my husband forgets to do what he said he would do, when I'm in a hurry and someone is slowing me down...I could be the one who chooses patience. It's easy to be kind to friends or those that love me, but when someone hurts me or my family, I could choose to express my feelings with kindness. When I don't feel like it because it's raining out or gloomy, I'm tired or drained, I'm hormonal or just having a moment...I could be the one who still shines with joy. And not in the annoying-happy-all-the-time way. But, just with a joy about me no matter what. A realistic joy. Instead of trying to be "good" at things that don't matter or that people expect me to be, I could be filled with goodness. When someone pushes my buttons or when I want to over-indulge in junk food because I "feel" like it, I could choose self-control. I could hold my tongue. I could keep it to myself. I could not eat the ice cream. When my daughter expects me to lash out in anger and yelling because she's done what I asked her not to do 200 times already, I could surprise her and discipline her with gentleness. I could be the one who makes time, no matter what, to read my Bible and have quiet time with Jesus...pray...to show my faithfulness every day. I could be the person who shows LOVE. Pure and simple. Love of people, love of my family, love of my neighbors, animals, the planet, love for those that don't love me.
I guess what I'm learning is that this verse needs to be more then my mantra. It needs to be more then something I think about, more then something that makes me feel guilty, and more then a tattoo. Remembering this verse, these Fruits of the Spirit, and making the choice to live them out, is one of the most important choices I will make in my life every day. It solves a lot of problems. It changes things. It changes me. It moves others to change. It softens hearts... my heart first. It brings healing and hope and miracles, really. I will fail, of course. But I can try, each new day, to be a walking, talking, real, flawed, imperfect "tree" that bears THIS kind of fruit.
~KDM
5/22/16
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