It's 4 days before Thanksgiving and I am already in the Christmas spirit!!
Yes, in fact I have been listening to Christmas music for weeks now and enjoying every minute. I don't typically start this early, but for a variety of reasons...doesn't it feel like we all need a little extra dose of Joy this year?
Tonight Adam and I went to the Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant Christmas concert and, you guys, it was the biggest blessing. Not only did I get an entire evening alone with my husband, but I was so moved by the incredible singing, the amazing orchestra, and the message they shared.
Amy spoke for a little while about her memories of Christmas from when she grew up and how tender those memories are. She made me tear up when she mentioned how wearing her Mama's old dress up on that stage tonight made her feel like a part of her was right up there with her. And her words took me back to memories of my Christmases gone by...
I still remember the way my stocking looked hanging up, with my name written in puffy paint by my mom. I remember realizing it was really my parents filling up that stocking and not letting it get me down, because it somehow always still felt magical. I remember Christmas mornings with my mom in her long, zipped up robe, her makeup always done before presents were opened and both my parents sipping on coffee while I opened my stocking. I remember my sister coming home from college and wearing elf shoes with bells on her feet and how special it felt when she was home again with me over Christmas break. I remember Grandma openings gifts with us and can even picture her outfits so clearly in my mind. Oh those childhood memories...
Tonight Amy Grant talked about those special "first" Christmas memories...the first Christmas as newlyweds, the first Christmas with your baby, your first Christmas without Mom there...those memories where how you felt is what you remember more then any picture or present. And my story isn't as simple as that. I have a lot of "first" Christmas memories that feel like they are pulled from various lifetimes. Different memories with different people. But I think of all the memories I have as an adult "pre-Adam," one Christmas stands out more then any other.
Emily was 4 months old and I found myself a single Mom. It was the first Christmas I can remember where I felt lonely. I remember how shortly before Christmas, Emily's "dad" (birth father) stopped over and gave me a present. It was one of the few times he would visit her from that point forward. And he gave me a baby carrier. I still remember what I was wearing, what Emily was wearing...and I remember how strange it felt. This man who was walking away from his wife and brand new daughter, was giving me a baby carrier. And I was excited! It was what I wanted...but not how I expected to receive it. And I remember going over to my parents house with the rest of my family for dinner, and wearing Emily in that baby carrier...her adorable little, smiling body facing forward and feeling like I never wanted to take it off. My heart was full because I had the baby I had longed for all my life and she was the best gift I had ever received...but at the same time, I had also never felt so lonely.
I guess the reason I share that story, and maybe the reason it was on my mind tonight, is that I understand that not all Christmas memories are perfect. Not all of our holidays are Merry and Bright. And for some, this time of year we're approaching is one of the most difficult.
But you know, as I remembered that one painful Christmas, I looked to my right. And there is Adam. And I remember Hope is the reason for the season. I started to think about his Christmas memories, his family traditions, a few Christmases he must have endured that weren't so picture perfect. His first Christmas on his own with Ashley. And all the wonderful memories he must have with Ashley's mom. And it hit me all over again, as it does every once in a while, how amazing these winding journeys of ours are. This path filled with hills and valleys, all being paved with Hope as we go day by day. When we're enduring a Christmas that is painful, we have no idea what Joy could be coming. Or, how the strength we find in ourselves to endure, will mold and shape us in ways we didn't know possible. And as I think back to these past several Christmases we've spent together with our girls, I just see how Hope and Faith have brought us here. These are the memories I want to hold dear to my heart forever...these memories of our three little girls lighting candles at the Christmas Eve service, waking up Christmas morning to their squeals of excitement, filling our family room with a sea of wrapping paper...innocent belief in Santa but a wisdom to know for certain this Season is about Jesus. These are the memories I don't ever want to forget.
We all know how unsettled our country feels for the moment. Emotions are running higher then ever, it seems, and decisions are being made based on those passionate emotions. Some for the good, and many for the bad. So now, more then ever, I believe we need to approach this holiday season with more JOY, more GRACE, more PEACE, and more LOVE then we ever have before. We need to take care of each other. We need to embrace each other, just as we are. And I hope we all don't forget, that just as quickly as this Season came...it will just as quickly pass.
Appreciate every moment.
Celebrate every chance you get.
Sing those Christmas carols in the kitchen while you dance with your kids.
Go sit on Santa's lap.
Take an overload of pictures.
Put up way too many lights on your tree.
Find some way to make Christmas a little easier for a family in need.
Hold onto Hope and Faith if this is not an easy time of year for you and lean into the people around you that love you.
Above all...let your memories be built around what true Joy and Peace are all about.
Oh, and eat too many Christmas cookies. That's pretty important too.
I just love Christmas...
With love,
Kristel
