Anyone that has known me for long, knows that my mom is my best friend. And in the wake of her friends' recent passing, it has made me stop and think even more about how short life is. Today is the funeral and I imagine all the wonderful, touching remarks her daughters will say about their mom. As nice as that is, it's made me realize that I don't want to wait until my mom is gone to say the things I want to say about her.
My mom, Shirley, was raised by her wonderful mother, my Grandma Ag. I remember the stories my mom has told me about how Grandma would take multiple buses, no matter the weather, just to take my mom and her brother to church every Sunday. She was a great woman and a great Mother all my moms' life. As I got older, it was pretty amazing to watch how my mom always took care of my Grandma in various ways. She would perm and fix her hair, she would help her with groceries or take her to appointments. She helped her make decisions. She spent so much time with her and they shared so many wonderful memories. Until the end of Grandma Ag's life, my mom was right by her side, taking care of her.
As opposed to her loving mother, my mom didn't have a terrific father. I won't go into all those details, but the example I learned from my mom is that despite her childhood trials, she never used that as an excuse. She never made poor choices in her life and then blamed the hardships of her childhood. Her strength of character, her self-discipline, her wisdom and her faith lead her to find the life she was meant to live and nothing from her childhood held her back. In today's day and age, where everyone seems to blame their parents for why their life turned out the way it did, I think she is a pretty awesome example of how you can dictate how your life turns out.
All my life, my mom has been a stay-at-home mom and she took that job very seriously. She has always been so great at keeping her house spotless, cooking amazing meals, working in the yard, helping my Dad with his business, and still having plenty of time to give me all her attention. Every day after school, I would come home and my mom and I would talk about my day. That is something I will never forget. Sure, as I got older, I may have left out a detail or two about my boy drama. Ha! But, for the most part, I've always considered her my greatest confidant.
As I became an adult and started my life on my own, our friendship remained strong. I have always taken advantage of being able to pick up the phone and talk my moms' ear off. She is the one I go to when I'm having a bad day, when I'm unsure of what decision to make, or when I just need a friend to listen. And it's been so nice to be there for her in those same ways. It's special to me that she feels she can always share with me and considers me as much of a friend as I do, her.
What is hard for me to think about is that despite how wonderful both my parents have always been to me, I have screwed up in my life more then a few times. I have made really poor choices. I have been impulsive, emotionally driven, and irresponsible at times. I haven't been as wise as my mother. I haven't had the self-discipline she has always shown. I haven't always had her strength of character. It kills me to think that I ever gave her moments, days, months or years of worrying about me.
Despite my various ups and downs in life, my mom has been my constant. Both my parents have been. I'm not going to claim that either of us are perfect or that our relationship has never weakened from time to time. She is human and so am I. Everyone argues and disappoints each other. But I sure won't remember those rare times. What i will always remember are the times she's sat and cried with me. The times she's seen my heart and known how I feel without me having to say a word. The moments she had the answer I needed to hear. The times she has supported me, even through the hard choices. The moments she could have chosen to turn her back on me and let me fend for myself...but instead, she was right by my side. The moments where both of us crack up uncontrollably and have fun together. Those moments....those moments are too great to even count.
My mom is the best homemaker. I've always teased that she is your everyday Martha Stewart! This lady can cook like no one else I know. She is an amazing entertainer and loves to have company to her home. Her set table in the dining room looks like it's straight out of a magazine. Her home is always clean and well organized. She takes care of her body, dresses well, and always has perfect hair! She is well put together, to say the least. And I don't mean to make her sound like one of those creepy way-too-perfect Stepford Wives. She is still very real and personable, which is what makes her so great.
Shirley is also the greatest friend to the women in her life. Since my parents moved to a golf course community, I have been amazed by the amount of friends they have! They are the most social people I know. Yes, she has her dinner parties and is a wonderful hostess. She volunteers on various committees where she lives and enjoys playing golf. Most people know who Shirley is. But deeper then that...that is what I am referring to. She is so thoughtful. She brings people meals when they may need it. She takes the time to think of what would be helpful for a friend or make them smile during a hard time, and she does whatever it is. She listens. She loves friendships where they both share and open up and can be real and genuine with each other. She goes out of her way for her friends.
Recently my mom reminded me that no matter what happens, our memories can never be taken from us. We will always have our memories. Of course my response was that even though I know that, what I really just want is more time. I want as many phone calls and long conversations with my mom that I can fit into a lifetime. I want my kids to have as many moments as they can share with their wonderful Nana. I want to rely on and give to the friendship I have with my mom for as long as humanly possible.
As I grow closer to my late thirties, I find myself more and more like my mother. My sister even teased me about that a while back. "You sound just like Mom!" What is pretty special, is that when someone says that, they mean it and I take it, as a compliment. I want to be the entertainer in my home that my mom is. I want to be as thoughtful and generous as my mom is. I want to be as good of a friend as Shirley is. I want to be the faithful, dedicated and supportive wife that my mom has always been to my Dad. I want the wisdom she has, the faith she has kept, and the self-discipline she displays. And I can only pray that one day, my daughters will say they have the same friendship with me that I have had with my own mother. What a privilege that would be.
My mom's life hasn't always been easy. The stories she can tell me of what she has gone through in her 70+ years are simply unbelievable. She has experienced more then one might assume. Even now she goes through more then most people probably realize due to health issues and chronic pain. But she always has a smile on her face. She will always say hello when she sees you and ask how you're doing. Her red hair will be what she is recognized by. Her kindness and warmth is what will draw you to her. She will always be a mother that supports, encourages and has faith in her children.
What a blessed life I have had to say that my mom has been and always will be, my best of friends. I couldn't be more proud to be her daughter. My hope is to make her that much more proud, to make her smile and laugh as much as I can, and to be here for her however she may need me. Always.
I love you, Mom.
~KM
1/16/2015
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