We all know that New Years' Day is the start of the New Year. But for me, it doesn't quite feel like a new year until I take my Christmas decorations down. This year, that day came this past weekend.
It always amazes me how quickly the decorations come down when it seemed to take so much longer to put them all up. Christmastime is my favorite time of the year, so I love keeping the decorations up until after January 1st. But when it comes time to take them down, I always feel ready.
As I was taking down our tree ornaments and packing boxes back up, I found myself reflecting on the year behind me and the year in front of me. It's a nice cleansing process of sorts, to clean up the mess and come back to our "normalcy". And when I'm finished and the house looks all put back together, it feels like a fresh start. Doesn't it? I love that feeling. A new year can now begin.
I don't know about you, but my past year has been filled with many blessings and a few trials. There have been people who have disappointed and hurt me. Financial struggles at times. Adam had his car broken into and then totaled in an accident all in one month! Parenting isn't always easy. Trees fell in our yard during various wind storms and caused damage. Family members have struggled with health issues. I've struggled with my weight. Relationships have been broken that may never heal again.
In comparison to others I know, these issues are minimal. Any struggle we have experienced, in the grand scheme of things, has been or could be fairly easily fixed. But still, the opportunity to start a new year... have the blessing of another fresh start...feels like such a treat. I can wipe the slate clean, in a sense, and make a choice of how I want this next year to start. What kind of attitude do I want to carry around with me in this new year? What kind of view do I want to approach situations with? What can I work on to improve myself this year? What kind of expectations do I want to put on others in my life?
I have learned that I tend to have high standards...both for myself and for others. If I'm thoughtful, I expect others to be thoughtful. If I'm generous or inviting, I expect the same in return. If I listen to others, genuinely care about them and try to show my love for them in various ways, I expect to be treated similarly. Now, I don't mean to say I do things or treat people in a way just to have it all given to me back in return. I do what I do and treat people how I do because I love them. Because I want to. But of course that human nature inside of us can tend to put hopes and expectations of others in our minds. Do you every find yourself filled with expectations of others that they never seem to meet? And when they let you down, as they are bound to do, how do you deal with the disappointment?
I admit, I haven't always dealt with disappointment very well. Growing up as a Christian, I have always been taught the lesson that all people will disappoint us. As humans, none of us can fill up another with the love they are seeking. That whatever I expect of my husband or family or friends, will not always be met. We all fail and we all fall short. I know I do. And although it's easier to see the ways that others could improve or change, it's necessary to focus more on how I can improve and change.
So with the start of this new year, here is our chance. Here's our chance to try harder. To set goals and make a plan on how to reach those goals. To become more of the person we are meant to be. To look inward more and judge others less. And yes, when people fail us and don't meet our hopes and expectations, figure out how to deal with it better and choose where to place our focus.
In any year, we can look back and focus on the struggles or we can lift up the ways we have grown. Last year I discovered my love of cooking and baking new things. I grew in my ability to host parties and dinners and truly enjoy it. I love having friends and family in my home and making them feel comfortable and welcome. I took over as Piano Teacher to my two older girls and they are thriving in their talent. I left my youngest for the first time. I weaned her. We got a dog. My husband took a leap of faith and started a new job after 12 years at his old one. We survived another year on a single income, which allows me the huge blessing of staying at home with my kids. My kids are healthy. My parents are well and incredibly involved in our lives. I've grown closer to certain family members. I've tried new things. My marriage grew stronger and deeper. I've prayed more. I realize that when I start listing my blessings and focusing on the positive, I could keep going and going. This list is much longer then my list of struggles.
So with this New Year, I am so excited to get started. Get started on my goals and start looking forward. I can't wait to grow as a mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. It's scary sometimes to ask God to help us grow for fear of how far He will choose to stretch us. But this year, I'm asking. I want more patience. I want more joy in my day-to-day life. I want to turn off my mind and focus on the moment more. I want to surround myself with people that don't make me question their love. I want to grow in my Faith. I want to read the Bible more. I want to treasure my girls more. I want to find the courage to steal a night away with my husband and leave my precious baby girl. I want to be healthier. I want to be there for my family and friends. I want to be a better wife. I want to shine the light in me brighter that seems to have dimmed through life's challenges.
Most of all, I want to be able to end 2015 and look back on a year to be proud of. It probably won't be easy. There are bound to be challenges our way this year and situations we can't foresee. Does that scare me? Of course it does. It scares me more then I can even express. But I choose to trust. I choose to have faith. I choose to change my view and focus on the potential. On the positives. On the possibilities.
Happy New Year!
~KM
1/5/2015
No comments:
Post a Comment